Clinton, Spitzer, McGreevey & Rowland, LLC

Now that Eliot Spitzer has submitted his application for partnership with Clinton, McGreevey & Rowland, LLC, his book deal and lecture tour won't be far behind. While much has been made of Mr. Spitzer's falling from grace around the same time that the Vatican validated new ways to fall for the 21st century, evidence seems to indicate that the revised Catholic sin catalog will have little impact on his secular, albeit Jewish, worldview.

The New York governor's application to the firm has led some to believe that should he be accepted, the partnership's name would become Clinton, Spitzer, McGreevey & Rowland, LLC, moving the newest member ahead of two of the three established partners. Unnamed partnership sources have attributed this likelihood to "the absence of both sexual misconduct and a graduate degree on former Connecticut governor Rowland's resume" and "you know, that whole gay thing with the Jersey boy, who should feel lucky just to be here."

Mr. McGreevey's agent, however, contends that the former New Jersey governor's name should remain second even if Spitzer makes the cut, citing McGreevey's two graduate degrees (to Spitzer's one) and pointing out that "it takes quite a bit more courage and chutzpa to masquerade as a heterosexual husband, father and public servant while having a homosexual affair with a political appointee than it does to simply sneak around with high-priced call girls."

While Mr. Rowland had no comment and the Spitzer entourage was still engaged in damage control, Rowland's agent referred to the prospective change as a typical Democratic political move. When asked if he had any advice for New York's falling leader, Mr. Clinton smiled and suggested that he knew all too well what "waiting to exhale" feels like, perhaps inadvertantly citing Terry McMillan's novel in his attempt to depict his common experience with Mr. Spitzer.

Elsewhere, both the Big East and the Ivy League merchandising departments were positioning themselves to reap the inevitable profits from this latest limited liability culprit. On the undergraduate level, the two leagues are tied: Rowland and Clinton graduated from Villanova and Georgetown, respectively, while Spitzer and McGreevey earned their degrees from Princeton and Columbia. On the graduate level, Spitzer graced Harvard Law, McGreevey both Georgetown Law and he earned a degree in Education from Harvard, and Clinton attended Oxford and received his J.D. from Yale--giving the Ivies a 3 to 1 edge over the Big East.

University College at Oxford has not commented.

The prevalent rumor that New York, New Jersey and Connecticut are considering seceding from the United States in order to form the Tri-State Democratic Republic has not been corroborated.